My friend told me to fake it until I make it. In other words, continue to tell myself I’m strong and deserve better and that I’m not at fault. I can’t do this? I’m just lying to myself, I know the truth. How do you believe lies?
I mind fucked myself and started crying. I grabbed my teddy bear and snuggled with him to hopefully make me feel better.
Now, I’m having these sick thoughts, that are out of my control. They started when I was analyzing my recent self harm scars. Seriously, what is wrong with me? Why do I think this way? My mind is so fucked. If I lived in the US and in a country that served the death sentence with death, that’s where I’d be.
These thoughts are that ridiculous. And my brain is saying that I could probably get the nerve to do it if I flipped that switch where I go kind of crazy and hysterical.
Not too mention, I’m still depressed as fuck and contemplating self harm again, after already ripping my self apart last night.