Emphasis On The Crazy

Feeling lonely tonight. Maybe because of the shot of intense anxiety I had earlier.
I don’t even want to talk about it. It came from the stem of my anxiety. It could have really set me back, I’m not sure where it has set me. I’m a little dazed and confused.
I feel sick when it crosses my mind; like I might throw up.
I don’t want to think about it, but when you think about not thinking about it, you end up thinking about it… And at this point, there is way too much thinking going on.

When I go to bed, I think a lot about cutting. I don’t usually have the urge and need to do it anymore. Just the memory of those feelings.
I’m reminded every day of the past. It’s all over my arms. The scars that won’t ever fade.

I’m pretty pumped about my tattoo appointment on Thursday. I asked the Janitor to come with me, but he has yet to respond.

You know when you get down in the dumps and try to stay positive and you get that urge to be productive tomorrow? Well I get that a lot, and I want that for tomorrow. But it never happens. I’m such a failure.

I’m not much of a country girl, but the Janitor is and he’s introduced me to some awesome tunes. I’m currently obsessed with Country In My Soul by Florida Georgia Line. It makes me think of him.
My hearts all a flutter when I think of him. My stomach takes flight from all the butterflies. I’m crazy about him. Emphasis on the crazy.

Good night.

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