No Dog Fucking Here

Last night was so messed up.
Because I moved my bed to my aunts, my sleep was physically amazing. It did wonders for my back. But mentally, I was going insane. I had so many different nightmares last night. They were very unsettling.
I’m hoping tonight is better in the dream department.

The Janitor didn’t text me back today at all. I’m angry.

I’ve worked every day this week. My shifts and everyone else’s shifts. I’m tired and don’t want to open for 8am tomorrow. By the time I get to sleep tonight. I’ll be able to count how many hours of sleep I get on one hand with no problem.
After work tomorrow I’m doing dinner with my best friend, going dancing, crashing at hers, then going to breakfast Sunday morning.
Starting September, my work schedule is a bitch. I work at least every second day and back to back days often.
This is only a part time job! I have others that I need hours for!
Are my two other coworkers this incompetent?
I mean, I know I’m great and all but fuck!

A little bit of Florida, a little bit of Georgia, and a whole lot of country in my soul.

Good night.

Today’s Update

The more the Janitor doesn’t text me, the more I miss him.

My back is a little better today. Still shooting pain and paralyzation in my legs.

Woke up early today and brought my bed from mom’s and my dresser from my mom’s to my aunts place.
My sleep tonight is going to be stellar!

My allergies…. Have been off the flipping wall insane!!! Just cut off all my orphases. Please, I beg you. Stop the itching!

Medical Emergency

I cannot express how much back pain I’m having. It’s unbearable. I physically cannot walk without shooting pain down my legs which paralyzes me. I lose all feeling and strength in my legs and they give out on me.

What the fuck is going on?

What’s On My Mind

Eric, the Janitor is the only thing on my mind. It’s the only thing that has been on my mind all day.

We went to a lovely Italian restaurant last night. Picked up some teens that sold us some marijuana then dropped them back off. We spent the evening watching baseball and the stars getting high.
I didn’t want it to end. So it didn’t.
We went to my mom’s house and he stayed the night with me.
We curled up together in my bed and watched Duck Dynasty for a while. He ran his hands all over me, helping me relax. We spent a blissful evening entangled with eachother. And he cuddled me all night long as we slept.
And most importantly, he kissed me goodbye when he left for work in the morning.
My heart is happy and I miss him dearly. I miss the companionship as I lay here alone on the uncomfortable futon at my aunts house. I day dream about him.

I found an amazing ad on Kijiji while I was at work tonight for a 2 bedroom condo a street down from my aunts place for $650/month, all utilities included. I have to share the kitchen and living room but I get the lower level with my own bedroom, walk in closet, bathroom, parking spot, and entrance. I’m pretty excited. I’m hoping I get a response tomorrow! It’s available September 1st.

Good night and may your dreams be filled with sexy men, just like mine.

“Was”

I cannot believe how empowering it is to use the word “was.”

“The Dog Scratched Me.”

The back of my neck is quite tender. My foot tattoo that got retouched is fine, I’m used to the minimal pain.

I’m not sure what’s going on with my knees. When I was a lot younger I had knee problems, then as I grew they seemed to vanish. This week has been brutal for me. I did play two extra soccer games, maybe that has something to do with it?

Got my professional camera today, pretty excited to start using it!

I went to my mom’s today and made dinner. My awesome macaroni/hamburger casserole.

My brothers round robin tournament is tomorrow, I’ll be there supporting him.
His finals are Sunday and my entire tournament is on Sunday as well.

I’m trying to hide my recent self harm scars… Failing miserably.
“The dog scratched me.”

I will have to start getting comfortable with talking about self harm, it’s what my new tattoo is all about. People are going to start questioning me.

Goodnight. Talk soon.

Tattoos

image

New tattoo

image

Old tattoo retouched

Goodnight.