I’m leaving at 8am tomorrow for Niagara Falls for five days. I want to try phlogging. I know this isn’t a word and it’s probably not used. But vlogging is a term, so phlogging is too!
Anyway, I will try to take some photos throughout the days to add some excitement to my blogs.
Today, it hit me. My anxiety about this trip. I am absolutely terrified of the hotel room.
The last time I was in a hotel was when I was at my worst, when I was at rock bottom. I was insanely sick, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, all I could manage was to lie in bed. I cried for four straight days while I was there. I had about five panic attacks on a good day. It was awful. I wanted to die. I debated on killing myself all the time. I went to the hospital as soon as I got home.
I don’t want to be reminded of that. And I’m really scared I will have a panic attack, especially when it’s lights out. I won’t be able to sleep, I will over think and start crying. Then I’ll have a terrifying panic attack.
I’m really scared. So scared I would back out if I could. But I can’t. And I’m too much of a scaredy cat to say anything.
Deep breaths Rebecca, you’re already working yourself up too much.