Tell Me Life Is Beautiful

I went to the beach for a few hours with my best friend. I’ve got a really nice tan coming along! We went for Chinese food for dinner, which was delicious as always. My whole family then gathered at my aunt’s place to move couches around. (It was really just my brother, best friend, and I doing all the work).
While I’m on vacation next week my best friend will be staying at my mom’s to look after the dogs. So we went over there so she could get the low down. I also made my room look presentable so she had somewhere to sleep.

Surprisingly yet not surprisingly, there were many low blows from my family today for no reason. I ignored it throughout dinner, but as it continued throughout the night, I snapped and told them to fuck off.
It’s not surprising because this is who my family is. Which is why I can’t live with them. It is surprising because they usually wait to do it behind my back than in front of my face. And the fact they all know I have a few mental health issues… Like what the fuck is wrong with you?
I’m seriously hoping this is not an issue next week on vacation.

I’ve been very paranoid all evening. I’m bouncing off the walls because I can’t get my mind to settle the fuck down.

The kitty is cuddling with me in bed, it’s keeping me from imploding.
I’m also listening to L.D.R. again. I love her stuff, I can’t help it. I would highly suggest listening to the Born To Die album. (If you didn’t read my last post, L.D.R. are the initials of Lana Del Rey).

I got a large paycheck the other day, I think I’m finally going to get that camera I wanted. I’m itching to start taking photos and editing them.

I really think I need to change my meds, this shit ain’t working anymore. I’m slipping every day. And the fact I still harm myself with this medication… It’s not helping.

My friend that got arrested and put in jail has finally contacted me. I’m waiting for his response to see if he is okay and what the hell is going on.

I started watching a new series called Finding Carter. It’s good, so take a peak.

I’m going back in August to get my tattoo touched up, get my naval and helix re-pierced and two new collar bone dermal piercings.

I need a partner. I’m lonely, severely lonely.

I apologize for my scattered brain.

Janitor is still up in the air…
I would like to run back to him and give him what he wants so I can get my damn weed.

I don’t want to feel anything anymore. Pain is unbearable.

Here come the nightmares…


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