I watched a series premiere this evening. It’s called Finding Carter. It’s about a girl who’s mom is actually her kidnapper. It’s intriguing and the female lead has been in other shows I watch, so I enjoy her acting.
I had to work this evening. But it pissed rain, so I got to close nice and early. I stopped at the grocery store and picked up ingredients to make salsa rolls. I’m addicted to them, literally.
I have tomorrow off. I need time to relax. Other people have made me work myself up. I’m very panicky and restless. My best friend and I are going to Bluesfest tomorrow night to see Phantogram and The Killers.
I had asked that janitor guy to come with me. But since the night where I “slept” over. He barely replies to my texts. I over think the situation and paranoia sets in. It’s fucking exhausting,
So, what do I do?
I text him for weed. I say I will pay in cash. He won’t take my money, he wants sex or some kind of sexual favor as payment. I told him no, he won’t give me any. I’m screwed. I need it.
But what if janitor guy likes me, aren’t I cheating on him if I sleep with him…. Fuck!
Can I run away? I can’t deal with the mess I’m in anymore. I can’t be happy, or calm, pain-free. I’m in a constant state of paranoia. The world is out to get me.
And on top of all this, my dad continues to text me to see what I’m up to, and to tell me he misses me and loves me. He also calls me Becca now.
God… Can’t you just fuck off?! He causes me so much anxiety! I don’t want him in my life.
Oh and by the way, no one but my best friend calls me Becca, NO ONE!
I need help escaping, I don’t know where to find it.
I wish my life was easier on me.