Panic

I’ve been very numb all day. I woke up at 2pm from nightmare after nightmare. I was still crazy tired. I sat on the couch in my pajamas and watched TV. I didn’t eat or get dressed or brush my teeth. I was disgusted with myself for leaving my room in the state it was in so I did all my laundry and changed the sheets on my bed (a.k.a. futon). Before my aunt got home from work I changed into clean clothes and washed up so we could attend my brothers soccer game. We then came home, ate pizza, watched 24, and painted our nails. I now write to you at 1:05am from the “comfort” of “my” “bed”.

A wave of panic came over me as I finished the episode of Skins I was on. That’s when I started writing my post for  today. I have no idea why. Nothing happened. I freaked out and realized I have no weed to help calm me down. My thoughts then went straight to the razor. My heart started racing even faster. I knew I didn’t want to. But I felt like I had no choice. I started writing, and it has brought my blood pressure back down.

I’m lost, I don’t even know how to think.

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