Intimacy Issues

I’m home in my bed (and of course when I say this, I mean my aunts place) and I feel relatively fine. I guess last night wasn’t a big deal for me. I powered through… Fingers crossed and knock on wood… I don’t want to jinx myself and have a flare up later.
I will say though I feel lonely. I miss having someone close sleep next to me. I had it for quite some time when we were still together and living together in our home. And that’s one thing I miss greatly.
I’m a very passionate, caring, and affectionate individual. I guess this is why I feel this way.

On a side note… My mind went on this really frightening path of power. It got into the mindset where it thought I could have anyone I wanted. I could hook up with guys when I need a fix since I can walk away with it meaning nothing.

This is not healthy. I’m not a whore, I’ve never been one, and I don’t want to be one either. I like to think I pick individuals that mean something to me. But ever since I’ve been screwed over and heart broken, my brain wants to go a little wild. It thinks I’m capable of it too.
I don’t like the feeling of this, although somewhere deep inside I’m also somewhat fascinated by the idea. This cannot be safe…

Talk soon ❤

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