I don’t really know what I’m doing. I’m acting on impulse and it’s scaring me.
He invites me for a ‘sleeover’ tonight. I’m currently lying in his bed wide awake while he sleeps.
I’m in my old home, with my old family. But it doesn’t fit anymore.
It’s odd, I’m scared. I don’t know what I’m doing here. Why’d I say yes?
I went on a date last night… It was really nice. It was one of those dates where you don’t want it to end and you don’t want to say goodbye. I really enjoyed his company and I look forward to seeing him again in a few days.
Then why the fuck am I here? Why did I give in and come here? The place and the people and the things that hurt me and brought my world tumbling down.
I’m so fucking confused. I want him but I need him.
My heart wants what it knows.
My brain needs something new.
Fuck, I’m stuck in the biggest pickle ever.
I’ve never been a cheater and nor will I ever be one. I have two men at my feet… And I want both.
Shit, shit, shit!
I don’t know if I can come back to this. To my old house, to my old family, to this old love.
Do I hurt him now and do what I need, try this new path?
Do I go back to my past, where I know what to expect, I know what to do. Where it’s “safe.”
I still have a lot in my heart towards him. But it’s changed and evolved into something different then it once was. Dare I say this feels wrong? Maybe i’m not letting myself open up? I won’t let him in. I don’t want to get hurt by him again.
Someone help! 😦