Needs Advice ASAP….

I don’t really know what I’m doing. I’m acting on impulse and it’s scaring me.
He invites me for a ‘sleeover’ tonight. I’m currently lying in his bed wide awake while he sleeps.
I’m in my old home, with my old family. But it doesn’t fit anymore.
It’s odd, I’m scared. I don’t know what I’m doing here. Why’d I say yes?

I went on a date last night… It was really nice. It was one of those dates where you don’t want it to end and you don’t want to say goodbye. I really enjoyed his company and I look forward to seeing him again in a few days.

Then why the fuck am I here? Why did I give in and come here? The place and the people and the things that hurt me and brought my world tumbling down.

I’m so fucking confused. I want him but I need him.
My heart wants what it knows.
My brain needs something new.
Fuck, I’m stuck in the biggest pickle ever.
I’ve never been a cheater and nor will I ever be one. I have two men at my feet… And I want both.

Shit, shit, shit!

I don’t know if I can come back to this. To my old house, to my old family, to this old love.
Do I hurt him now and do what I need, try this new path?
Do I go back to my past, where I know what to expect, I know what to do. Where it’s “safe.”

I still have a lot in my heart towards him. But it’s changed and evolved into something different then it once was. Dare I say this feels wrong? Maybe i’m not letting myself open up? I won’t let him in. I don’t want to get hurt by him again.

Someone help! 😦

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Needs Advice ASAP….

  1. Oh gosh, love, why did you do that to yourself? I’m glad it feels wrong. It doesn’t sound like this is what you need or want right now. Don’t beat yourself up about it though – perhaps you needed to go back to realise that you want something different for yourself. Your heart will always want what’s comfortable and familiar, but it sounds like what’s familiar hurt your heart pretty badly. I think you should pursue this new person and keep finding things that don’t feel like they’re the wrong fit. Good luck.

    Like

    1. I’m not sure why I did. I thought I would be okay. But I’m a huge pushover when it comes to my ex. He wins every time.
      Thanks Cal for the comforting advice. I have been pursuing this new fellow, without distractions of my past. And it is a really nice change.

      Like

reply here

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s