Crap crap crap!!!
I don’t know if I just made the worst or best decision for myself. My wants and needs are scrammbled and I cannot tell right from wrong. I’m so freaking confused!
I need to talk it out! I need a confidant… I… I… I need that confidant.
I’m screwed. So screwed I’m beating around the bush. I can’t even talk about it. I’m terrified of losing it; losing control.
My breathing is getting faster, blood pressure is probably up.
These are the signs of a panic attack. But… It’s different. This feeling is not like it was before. It’s a lot more low key, less intense. Must be the medication.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Impulse: “go get your joint. go get that glass of wine. you know you want it.”
Fuck off! I don’t need you… Even though I want you so badly.
^ this is how an unstable loses it…