I saw my friend at school after the last post. We hung out for a bit and saw some speech. After that, I bussed home where I was greated by my drunken father. I steared clear of that.
I ate dinner with the family, which was nauseating. But I tried to tune it out and keep my mouth shut.
Then I went to work, the usual. Nothing new or exciting. Still thankful and relieved that he wasn’t there. He did however comment on my FB status. Which I stayed calm about and thought nothing more. Getting to worked up causes me the anxiety.
I got the car so I can drive to my first day of placement tomorrow. Only problem is, there isn’t really anywhere for me to park down here. So needless to say I got spoken to about that when I got here.
I’ve been having this issue with a few of the staff members. They are supposed to be very open and non judgemental. But they are the total opposite. And it’s really making me upset. I don’t deserve this treatment, they don’t even know me. And i’ve been nothing but open, understanding, and willing to do and comply with anything.
I think I am going to write an anonymous complaint tomorrow and send it in. I already scribbled down my thoughts on the matter.
Still feeling the drop in mood and the rise in side effects. I feel myself slipping back into that dark place. I just try not to think about it.
I’m trying to go to bed earlier tonight, to get more disturbed rest than I usually get. Plus i’ll need extra time to put a pile of cover up on the bags under my eyes.
I have to talk to my case manager tomorrow night about housing and living arrangements. Seriously not looking forward to this chat, they sort of threw it in my face today and “judged” my condition. They don’t even know what I’m going through and that’s one thing I hate. They think I can move back home. They don’t even know why i’m here. I stayed calm, but in my head I was screaming.
Only one staff member is understanding. She is the only one I feel comfortable talking to. But she hardly works, which is really unfortunate. Everyone else are huge assholes.
I think i’ll need some support tomorrow.