The Stress is Talking

My jaw hurts. I’ve been clenching my jaw from the stress from finals this week. I wish I had my night guard so this wouldn’t be the case.

3 exams down, 3 to go. At the half way point. I’m already exhausted. I’ve also got an assignment due tomorrow, a practical evaluation (which I don’t feel ready for, and its pass or fail), then a big assignment to complete tomorrow for thursday, while studying for another exam thursday.
Ahhhh!!!

One the plus side, we go for sushi thursday after exams (its a tradition) and then I have my grad party friday night.
Also friday, I have a solo presentation before my exam, which I need to get prepared for.
This week is so flipping crazy. I can’t wait for it to be over.

Today’s exam took longer than the others, but I still felt content with it.

I had my follow up with the doctor today as well. Chatted about what’s been going on. How I’m feeling. Side effects of the pill.
I’m going to stay on Cipralex for another week, I see her again next week. See if I notice anymore positive changes.

I do have to say, tonight… I feel a little more down than I have been the past few days. Not sure of it’s because of school, because of my stress level, because of him.
I’m still fighting my OCD (which I’m winning at). I haven’t relapsed once. I’m kind of scared for that time to come.
I thought I could go back to it today. But then I sat there and rationalized what I was about to do and realized it’s not worth the progress I’ve made. And I don’t feel ready. It’s guarenteed to put me back down to where I don’t want to be. So I chose not to.
That might be why I’m feeling down. Knowing I can’t. And just the fact the topic relates to him.

Anyway, I must change topics now before I go down a dark path.

I hate seeing others in pain. I hate seeing people go through what I’ve been through. It’s torture. I wish I could do something. But unfortunately outside help doesn’t do much when you are in that place. I remember people talking to me and I didn’t care what they had to say, because I knew what I was feeling. And that was that I wasn’t going to make it through.

I hate how on bad days I want to die and on okay days I can pull through. Polar opposites.

I’m gunna catch some zzz’s.

Talk soon.

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