So Itchy!

So abdominal pain is still here. And I still don’t know what it is.

I went to placement this morning, got some orders put together.

Got home home around dinner time. I could tell my dad, who is an alcoholic and recently said he would look into rehab, had been drinking and trying to hide it. I avoided him like the plague.
The only reason I was there to begin with is because I worked later this evening.
After dinner, I hid out in my room on my laptop waiting for that time to come where I would have to leave for work.
My friend asked if I wanted to get together for a bit.
We went to a local coffee shop and ended up going back to his. I missed the season finale of The Walking Dead on Sunday night, so he offered to let me watch it.
Besides the episode being amazing. It brings me ease to be in someone’s company. Reality hits and it calms me down. My mind stops going a million miles an hour.
I said thanks and went on my way to work. He thankfully or not thankfully (still not sure yet) wasn’t there again tonight.
I worked myself up all week trying to figure out what I would and wouldn’t do and say.
And all my panic, worry, and anxiety was for nothing.

I’m starting that new therapy this week. So far I read up on the introduction of the program and my first three assignments.

I’m lying in bed back at the shelter, a.k.a. “home”, resting my abdomin and back. I’m pretty exhausted. My nite guard is weird. But I think my mouth is getting used to it.

I want to get up tomorrow and go to the nearest mall to get a student bus pass this month. It’ll save my $10. Which is better than nothing.

I’ve got my doctors appointment coming up on Wednesday. And I have to email for a grad photo time. (Don’t mind me, using this as my agenda too. Horribe memory!)

I met up with another friend on the weekend and got his phone fixed. Unfortunately no meds yet. And I also drove him to work. He was very grateful.

I made my famous dip on the weekend too (i feel like I might have already said this), I already finished it all. It’s so good!

I’ve been taking great care of my tattoo. It’s already starting to peel and get itchy (part of healing process).

Hopefully I sleep. Wishing for no nightmares. Have a good night.

Talk soon.

Struggling

I’m also having a problem with my anxiety and OCD tonight too.
Wish I could talk, I need some help over coming this struggle.
Just way too uncomfortable to continue writing.

Pain?

I really want to blog right now. I’ve got a list of things to talk about.
But I’ve been dealing with really bad back pain and abdominal pain today and it hasn’t gone away.
Moving makes it worse, which is why I’m trying my best to stay still.
It could be a digestion problem.
I also have a big history with kidney stones.
I’m not sure what’s going on.
So I’m just gunna lay here in bed and hope it goes away.

Talk soon.

WTF?!

Oh my god… What is wrong with me?
Right after posting my last post, I lyed down, got comfy, and closed my eyes.
Then out of the blue, my OCD habits hit me like a ton of bricks!
I fortunately did not relapse. I was able to realize what was happening and shut my needs down.
It was just really scary. My brain tried reasoning why it would be okay.
Fuck!
I need to go calm down and breath.

Good night for real this time… Hopefully.

Puppies!

This thing is so annoying. It feels very foreign.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about… I picked up my night guard today. I’m in bed and just recently put it in. Hopefully I can sleep without it causing me to be uncomfortable.

I also picked up my puppy, Ruby, from the groomers today. She is absolutely adorable!

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And here’s my other dog, Ava.
I love them both to death.

I went home this morning and went shopping with my mother. Things went fine.
I made my famous dip after dinner and we had some while watching Iron Man 3.
Other than that, I lazed around today.

A friend from high school that got in contact with me hasn’t been talking to me later. I figured he was just busy. I messaged him and asked if everything was going alright. And to my surprise, things were horrible. So I’ve been messaging him all day, trying to piece together what has happened and what I can do to help. I want to be able to give him the world but unfortunately I’m not in a position to do so.
I don’t have a place for him to crash, I’m still living at the shelter.
I know he doesn’t have the money right now to pay for his medication. So I offered to do that for him. It’s not expensive, so I’m not putting myself in any pour situation.
All I can think about is when I was down and out and no one was there to pick up my pieces.
I promised myself that I would never let anyone go through what I did if I can do something to stop it.
And not only that, but this man has seriously helped me. He was there when I needed someone to talk to, he helped me when I needed it, he was able to relate to my issues because he has gone through it too.
Why would I stand back and watch someone suffer?
Anyway, I’m going to offer to take him for his meds tomorrow morning. We’ll see what happens.

I’m pretty exhausted. Sleep well my darlings.

Talk soon.

Highs and Lows

Today’s high’s and low’s.

High:
– stayed busy at placement today, got a lot accomplished
– found the neareat Subway for lunch
– cute custodian at work chatting me up
– laying in my warm bed after a long day

Low:
– was on my feet at placement all day, foot and ankle is now swollen to double the size
– the limp I walk with because it hurts my tattooed foot
– little bits of panic and anxiety
– working late on a Friday night
– my horrible back pain that flared up

Tomorrow’s Plans:
– pick up my puppy from groomers around noon
– go to dentist at 2:30pm to finally get my nightguard
– maybe see my friend’s son (baby)

P.s. Wifi didn’t work at work. So I couldn’t post again… I’ll try and push for tomorrow.

Goodnight. Talk soon.

Play By Play

Today’s Events:
– had trouble waking up (tired)
– had bus connection troubles
– got to placement later than I wanted to
– input data from assessments for different groups (took all morning)
– went to equipment storage in dome (learned about the airlock system)
– finished up loose ends (orders and labeling)
– left placement, picked up friend, drove to tattoo shop
– sat for 1.5 hours while I got my very first tattoo done (high tolerance for pain – so not painful at all)
– got home home showed it off
– took bandaging off and cleaned it a few hours later
– drove back “home” and got my meds for the night
– did my chore for today
– hopped into bed without watching True Blood (trying to get more sleep)
– browsed the internet (FB, WP)
– decided to update on today, even though I’m tired

Tomorrow I have work for a few hours. So I think I will have time to finally sit down with free wifi and my laptop and write everything I want to share with you guys.

Have a good night, get some sleep (that includes me), and we’ll talk soon.

P.S. Here is the picture I took of my tattoo. (doesn’t do it justice)

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